Trying The ‘Let Them’ Theory

What is the “Let Them” Theory?

It’s a mindset or approach to life that says: If people want to do something – talk behind your back, exclude you, not support you, act unfairly – let them. Instead of wasting your energy trying to change others, prove yourself, or control how people act, you just let them act out and focus on what you can control: your peace, your goals, and your values.

Right now, I’m going through a difficult situation, a messy, uncomfortable one. There’s a group of people, led by someone who chose to spread her thoughts about me to others at a Gathering event, and even at one of my jobs. I never hurt this person. I never did anything wrong to her. I was just being myself and trying to protect my peace. But sometimes, even that isn’t enough.

At first, I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let her speak about me without defending myself. I felt like I had to explain, to respond, to fight for approval I didn’t even want. I would wake up thinking about what she might be saying, the looks she gave me, the energy she carried. I let it live in my head – and in my heart – for too long.

Then I came across the Let Them Theory, explained by best-selling author and podcaster Mel Robbins. And it completely shifted how I see things.

Let them talk. Let them believe what they want. Let them misunderstand you. Let them whisper, twist your story, or give you those looks.

Let them.

And here’s the thing: This isn’t just some cliché quote you slap on a door or hear in a cheesy TED Talk. This theory isn’t about pretending that words don’t hurt or acting like you don’t care. It’s deeper than that. It’s about deciding who really matters.

Because not everyone deserves your care. Not everyone gets access to your emotional energy.

There’s a difference between close people – those who know you, support you, love you – and those who just think they know you. With close people, maybe the hurt is worth processing. Maybe a conversation is needed. But with people who don’t add value to your life, who bring drama or try to bring you down – let them. It’s not your job to fix how they see you.

We typically care too much about how we’re seen, even by people who don’t truly see us. That kind of stress isn’t about protecting dignity, it’s about control. It’s trying to manage how others view us, even when their opinions have no real consequences.

The truth is: They don’t pay your bills. They don’t live your life. They’re not family – and even family doesn’t always get a pass.

Their actions do not define your worth. Your peace does not have to be disturbed just because someone else is loud. I soon realized: She is her, and I am me. She can talk. She can look. She can think whatever she wants. But none of that has power unless I give it to her.

So, I stopped replying. I didn’t make eye contact. I didn’t say hi or bye. She stayed loud, and that’s okay. Because the strongest person in the room isn’t the one yelling. It’s the one who walks away without needing to prove a thing.

Let Them is not weakness. It’s strength. It’s not giving up. It’s choosing peace. It’s not being passive. It’s protecting your spirit.

And so here’s what I’m doing now: Let them talk. Let them assume. Let them twist it.

Let them go.