ALLEVIATING ‘OVERWHELM’ BY SETTING BOUNDARIES

Recently I was going through my to-do list, and there were so many competing priorities that I started to feel anxious about how to get it all done, and in the throes of anxiety, I gave up.

I succumbed to the stress and became a permanent attachment to the couch. With a blanket wrapped over my head, I stuffed my face with Cheetos and binge-watched Netflix. Netflix asked, are you still watching? Yes, Netflix, let’s not kid ourselves; I’m in it for the long haul. My phone rang, and I quickly silenced it. Don’t look at me in that tone of voice, phone – I’m in my own little kingdom, here.

Sound familiar?

I can identify the immediate cause of my stress, such as I need to get to an appointment in 15 minutes, but also… I need to drop off the rent payment before the office closes, run my daughter to piano lessons, keep a coffee date with a friend, work on homework, and water the plants of my neighbors who are out on vacation. I feel stressed because I have too many things to do in not enough time.

A person in this circumstance enters a state of overwhelm, which Merriam-Webster defines as to upset or overthrow; to submerge completely, overcoming by superior force; or overpowering in thought or feeling.

This definition makes me think of a massive and terrifying creature emerging from the sea to pull ships to the depths in the grip of its tentacles. However, I am talking about a type of emotional paralysis where you feel like you can’t handle your circumstances. You start to see things through a foggy lens, which creates confusion and launches you into a vulnerable state of feeling that things are out of your direct control. From this point, you may indulge in negativity and procrastination. In the end, you are stressed and pulled down by the sticky tentacles of overwhelm.

STRATEGIES TO STAY AFLOAT

You can help alleviate this stress-induced paralysis by setting boundaries: a set of strategies or intentional decisions you make for yourself, basically what you let in and push out.

For instance, if somebody wants you to participate in something you don’t feel like doing but you have healthy boundaries established, you will be able to say “no” quickly. You won’t feel obliged to agree, against your better judgment, and end up wishing you hadn’t, or that you’re wasting your time, or getting upset with yourself because you could be spending the time elsewhere.

Why are boundaries helpful? They take away some of the stress related to making decisions. Having these in place will help you make broad decisions about what you do and don’t do, and you will avoid getting caught up in making exhausting micro-decisions throughout the day.

Some examples of healthy boundaries you can set involve time, self-care, and relationships. Time is something that you can’t rewind, and although time flies, the good news is that you’re the pilot – every time you say “yes” to one thing, you’re saying “no” to another. So guard your time wisely by setting boundaries for how you choose to spend it. Prioritize free time and say no to things you don’t want to do. Affirm to yourself that you’re not going to take on too many things at once. An example is you could turn off nonessential notifications on your phone. Or, if a friend asks if you want to hang out, but you have homework and bills to get caught up on, you can say, “No, I need to take a rain check,” no apology needed.

SELF-CARE CALMS THE WATERS

Create boundaries for looking after yourself by deciding what self-care looks like to you, and how you’ll find time for it. This will ensure that self-care doesn’t fall to the bottom of the priority list and without having to think about how you’re going to squeeze it in amongst everything else. For example, ensure that you get enough sleep to avoid hitting the snooze button when you need to get up. The idea behind a snooze alarm is that when it goes off, you’re not getting up. Getting sufficient sleep will allow you enough time to have a cup of coffee in peace while you contemplate your day, take a shower, make a healthy lunch, and drive to work or school safely.

A healthy relationship is mutually supportive, and both sides feel the benefit. Indeed, we all go through tough times when we need a little more support than usual from family and friends. However, over the long term, relationships that are too needy or make us feel bad are unhealthy. Protect yourself from this emotional drain with positive boundaries. Choose to put your time and energy into relationships that support you and find a way to remove yourself from unhealthy ones that no longer work for you.

In summary, having general boundaries in place will help you make broad decisions about what you do and do not do. Boundaries are an integral part of your self-care and will help you honor and respect your emotional, psychological, and physical needs. And setting these boundaries protects your time and helps manage the stress of everyday life.

Sources:

https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/codependency-boundaries-self-care-guilt/https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/codependency-boundaries-self-care-guilt/ https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/overwhelmhttps://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#boundary-basics-and-benefits https://www.verywellmind.com/setting-boundaries-for-stress-management-3144985